We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize