Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
