Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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