Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
