Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
