so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
