i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
