Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
