Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
