Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize