...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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