So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
