Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
