You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
