It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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