As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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