dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
