Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
