Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
