I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
