While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize