i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My ATM looks so different sober.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
