He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
