someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You work out of a Hotel?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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