Your dad touched me again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
