I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
