There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
