She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize