Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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