First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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