He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
