i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
