I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
