he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
