chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
