I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
