hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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