I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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