First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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