I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
