dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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