After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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