nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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