mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
