I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
