I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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