You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
