dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
