im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
