My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize