hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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