Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
