Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
