Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
