office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
