i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
