Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize