EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
