Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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