Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
