Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My hand turned me down
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
