I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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