i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
