Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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