My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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