Your dad touched me again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize