can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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