i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize