Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
