Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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