toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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