We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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