you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
