All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
