those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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