So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
