So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm passing your future prison.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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