It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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