can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
