just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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