Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
