it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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