Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
