i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
