This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize