Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
