u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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