Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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