I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
