just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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