Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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