my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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