Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
