just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize