I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
