just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
