I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
